Wreckage
by Natmonkey
Summary: Shepard decides to take Joker with her on a mission. This mission is free of danger, but full of emotion. Fluffier than usual, but I've tried to keep as much sap out as I possibly could.


_This has been in the works since forever. Got a good start, then somehow stopped feeling like finishing it. But I tapped into my immense, fangirly love of Joker and managed it anyway. Feel free to leave the most brutally honest review you can manage. I've been out of it for a long time and I could use some tips, I think. Draguna helped me with this again._

* * *

As soon as he hears Shepard's distinct footfalls coming his way, Joker's face begins breaking into a smile. It vanishes the moment he catches sight of her expression. "Hey, is something wrong?"

"They, uhm…" Nervously chewing her lower lip, Shepard sits down on his armrest; the pilot wraps a comforting arm around her waist. "The Alliance sent me a message. They found what's left of the Normandy." Joker's heart sinks; he was doing such a good job forgetting about all that. He is still thinking of what he should say, when she continues: "They want me to check it out, but…" A long, quivering sigh passes from between her lips. "I'd appreciate it if you would come with me. Please?"

The pleading look in those eyes has his knees buckling right away. There is, however, one tiny little problem. "I don't know, Shepard. I'm still not too good at walking." Lies. He can walk just fine; he simply doesn't want to think of the time he cost the Commander her life. Sometimes (very rarely, but still too often) that memory, turned into a frightening dream with overly dramatic special effects, haunts his otherwise peaceful nights. All he has to do then, thank God, is look beside him and see her there, feel her contently sleeping form curled up to his body. "I'd only slow you down."

"There's no hurry, man, you can lean on me and we will move as slowly as we need to." Once again, Shepard sends her pilot a pleading look. "Pretty please?" She bats her long eyelashes. "With a real hamburger and horseradish on top?"

"Aw, I should've never told you about my weakness." Laughing despite the situation, Joker lays a hand on the woman's knee. More seriously: "All right, Commander. I'll go with you." Maybe it's time for the both of them to close that chapter of their lives off for good. No matter how much pain it might cause.

A brief scan of their surroundings, to see if anybody is looking their way, and Shepard slides into his lap. Softly she kisses him, her lips warm and inviting. "Thank you, Jeff," she whispers. Their hands find one another, fingers tangling together. "I'm glad you're here for me."

Joker swallows away a lump in his throat. "Always."

*~t(-_-t)~*

Shepard watches their cargo; Joker gets to pilot the shuttle. It's like it always has been, but on a smaller scale. "I have a list here," she suddenly breaks the silence, tapping her index finger on a data pad. "The names of twenty crewmen they couldn't account for… God, I can't even put five faces to these. They don't even sound vaguely familiar." The Commander shakes her head. "I fail so bad." Doubt and grief are evident in her voice.

"Don't say that." From the corner of his eye, Joker can tell that she looks just as miserable as she sounds. As much as he would like to wrap his arms around her, he can't. His hands are full. "The crew was huge; you couldn't possibly know all of them." He didn't know them either, but that was mostly because he wasn't interested in the slightest. Not a people person.

Shepard shrugs. "Maybe not, but still. We went through hell and back with those people."

"Yeah…" To hell and back. Funny for her, a woman returned from the dead, to say that. Suddenly he wonders what being dead is actually like. They've never spoken about it. "Oh look, we're here."

"Looks nice and toasty out there," Shepard chuckles, gesturing at the snowy wasteland. "Shame I forgot to bring my swimwear."

Joker quickly pushes the image of her trim body in nothing but a tiny, skimpy bikini from his mind. This is really not the time or place for that. "You could always go skinny dipping, Commander." He clicks his helmet into place, and tries not to think any boner-inducing thoughts.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Her helmet hides the grin her voice says she is wearing. Shepard holds out her hand to her companion. "Let's go, you pervert."

*~t(-_-t)~*

Even though he is perfectly capable of walking on his own, Joker is also perfectly happy to lean on Shepard. He needs that. Seeing what is left of the Normandy, bits and pieces of wreckage all scattered through the snow, brings back memories. Very bad ones. They have even, wonder of wonders, completely wiped away his appetite for sex.

"Man, I'm freezing my buns off here," Shepard complains. "Aren't you cold? Ugh, I don't know how we're ever going to find those damn things." She shakes her head.

"Yeah, sounds like a needle in a haystack type of-..." A metallic glimmer catches his eye. "Hey, Commander, do you see that shiny thing over there?" It can't be that easy, can it?

Shepard promptly releases him and breaks into a jog. "Yeah! Good eye." With the tags safely hidden away, she ticks a name off her list. It really can be that easy. "Only nineteen left." She sighs. "This has got to be the worst assignment I've ever had."

Joker says nothing, but he is sure she isn't exaggerating. What were they thinking, putting her (and him) through this crap? She didn't like, break her arm in a crash or whatever, Shepard _died_. Literally died. And no matter from how many different angles he looks at it, he still feels like it's his fault. The two stay quiet, each thinking their own thoughts. Their objective takes them into what's left of the bridge; memories flood his mind. Of the times Alenko had sat beside him, going on and on about how awesome he thought Shepard was. Of how much he disliked Nihlus, and how he could never seem to get along with Captain Anderson. Of Williams looking out of the window, commenting on the size of the Destiny Ascension (and how he'd been slightly insulted on behalf of the Normandy). Of the times the Commander had visited him for a little talk and leaned in close, a soft breast grazing his shoulder. Good times, if he thinks about it now.

"Look." Shepard releases him and bends down to pick up a banged up data pad at her feet. Joker looks over her shoulder as she activates it. The first entry, fragmentary and damaged, is still readable enough to convey the message: whoever wrote this, did not like the presence of the aliens on the Normandy at all. This attitude changes gradually over the entries, until the writer decides aliens really aren't so bad. The Commander chuckles, the noise choked. "Pressly." Even though he can't see her eyes, Joker is quite sure she's tearing up. Her voice is quivering. "Remember how he used to bitch about our crew? Man…" Without warning of any kind, she flings her arms around him and nearly squeezes the air out of his lungs. "I can't believe it," she sobs. "Everyone is either dead or, or I don't know where. How could everything have fallen apart like this?"

Varren's got his tongue. What could he say to that? Nothing meaningful. So Joker simply embraces her in turn, awkwardly patting her armored back. They need to get out of there, fast. "We were _your_ team, Commander. You can't spell 'team' without uh, you," he tries. "Yeah, I know, that was terrible."

"Aw, no…" She giggles against his chest. "All right, it was. Thanks though." Her grip loosens. "We should just get this over with and get the fuck on out of here." Shepard swallows audibly. "I don't like these memories."

She isn't the only one.

*~t(-_-t)~*

"Well, I'll be damned." Grunting with disdain, Shepard kicks one of the Mako's tires. The vehicle has barely a scratch on it. "Stupid hunk of metal," she grumbles.

"What's so bad about it?" asks our pilot, who has obviously never had to drive the damn thing. He is just amazed at how undamaged it is. That is quality stuff, right there.

The Commander scoffs. "Nothing, if you're not driving it. Come on, let's see if this piece of shit still works." The woman doesn't even wait for him; she just opens the door and climbs in.

"Eh, I don't know about this." Nevertheless, he follows her. Like always. The temperature inside is considerably better than outside. Dark, though. But that is quickly resolved, as lights flicker on and cast an orange glow on the interior. More than enough room for three in there.

"It's perfectly safe." She's already taken off her helmet and planted her butt in the driver's seat. After tinkering with the controls a bit, she frowns. "Crap, I should've brought my tools." Nothing happens; the engine doesn't respond at all. "Too bad. You know, I really miss the old days. Don't you?"

Joker shrugs. "Sometimes, yeah, but it wasn't all sunshine and bunnies back then." It was anything _but_ sunshine and bunnies. Zombies banging their fists against the hull, sure. Geth with lasers. Not a bunny in sight. _Hot in here._ He removes his helmet and unzips his coat. Much better. For good measure, he sits in the seat beside Shepard's and plants his boots on the dashboard.

"You weren't in the field with us." Leaning back, she smiles fondly. "Ashley and Kaidan puked on the floor the first time I drove this thing. Not that they could do any better," Shepard laughs. "Only Tali handled the fucker like a pro." Absently she runs a hand through her hair. "I hope she's doing all right. I hope everyone is."

She looks so… _sad_. During all the time that Joker has been under her command, he's seen her display a whole spectrum of emotions, but sadness was never one of them. Not even when Alenko had died; the Commander was just extremely pissed off and more determined to tear Saren a new one. So, she is human after all. "Are _you_ all right?" He pulls off a glove and softly runs his fingertips down her cheek.

"Yeah." Sighing, she leans into his hand. "No." Her eyes look suspiciously shiny. "I'm not all right." Tears begin rolling down her face, her mouth twisting in grief. The sight breaks his heart into a thousand pieces. Shepard flies into his open arms, her body convulsing with violent sobs. For a long time he cradles her against his chest, her tears seeping through his sweater, until she quiets down. And then the woman looks up at him. Those dark eyes are filled with pain, and there is nothing Joker can do to control himself. Softly he kisses her trembling lips.

She responds with a sigh, her cool fingers grasping his face. Her mouth opens, then closes again, as if unsure of what to say. Instead, she begins peeling off her armor, piece by piece. Joker helps her and himself, until his skin meets hers. Even then, all he wants is simply to be close to her and he knows, just _knows_, that she feels the same way. Shepard buries her face in the crook of his neck. Her arms are wound tightly around him. His thick coat serves as their blanket as they just sit there, huddled into the driver's seat together. Because Shepard's legs are dangling over the armrest, Joker asks: "Are you cold?" He strokes her shins, which aren't cold at all.

"Nah." She nestles deeper into his lap anyway, tucking her legs under their covering. "How about you? You're shaking." Suddenly her weight is gone from his shoulder and she is staring right at him in obvious worry.

Yes, he is shaking. It has nothing to do with the temperature, which is toasty and warm. The guilt has never really left; he's only been distracted by all the great sex they have been having. "No, I'm fine, just..." Joker swallows hard. It's too difficult to find the right words. Are there any right words for this, for that matter? Probably not, but they have to come out one way or another. "Don't you hate me for what happened? I mean, you would've been fine if I had just evacuated with everyone else, but no, I had to stay there and push a bunch of buttons for nothing and get you killed! It's my fault you died and I-..."

The Commander presses her fingers to his lips. "Stop." She gives him a stern look when he tries to continue ranting. "Just, stop that. Do you know why I went back for you?"

"Because that's who you are." He shrugs. "You would've done it for anyone." Except nobody else was dumb enough to stay behind the way he did.

"Not anyone."Shepard cups his face in her hands and kisses him. "Only you." She kisses him again. In a whisper: "Because I love you." Joker is stunned. Yet again, she is the one to have the balls to say or do something. The three words keep bouncing through his skull and running off with his tongue. All he can do is stare at her. Shepard smiles; thankfully she doesn't seem offended by his lack of response. "Look here, Jeff." Her tone is very serious all of a sudden. "You need to get over me dying and all that shit." She runs a hand along his jaw line. "Just remember that I'm here now. I slowly choked to death and that really sucked, but I was happy, knowing that you were safe." The look in her eyes hardens. "I would die a hundred times more to keep you alive."

Joker's first response is to clutch her to his chest. "Please don't do that." Once was bad enough.

"Then evacuate the next time, dummy!" says Shepard, smacking him on the back of the head. "That was stupid. Then again, you really loved that ship."

_Not as much as I love you._ Now would be the perfect time to say that, and he still can't do it. "Yeah... Olivia, do you really mean all that?" He still has a hard time believing it. Slowly choking to death, like it's no big deal. Die a hundred more times? Sure, whatever.

The woman raises her eyebrows. "Would I lie to you?"

"Well, I guess not, but..." _But you could just be saying it to make me feel better. _

"You guess not? Then I guess I will have to convince you." That naughty look is on her face again. Even before it has fully registered in the pilot's cloudy mind, the Commander has reached behind him somewhere and he is lying flat on his back. "Don't you just love it when you can fully recline a seat?" Her voice is a low purr that tickles his ear. "For the record, Mr. Moreau, I'm not just some crazy nympho. This right here..." She moans softly as she lowers her wet cunt onto his spontaneous hard-on. "This is how I show you that I care."

Which is only the best way ever. Nevertheless, Joker makes a sad face and whines: "Why won't you buy me pretty things?" He manages to maintain said sad expression, even with how the woman is riding his cock and massaging it with her powerful inner muscles.

"Got something pretty for you right here, baby." Shepard laughs in the wickedest way he has ever seen, before she obscures his sight with her breasts. "Like that?"

"Mmph." Somehow managing to tear his face away from those fantastic boobs, Joker gives her a solemn nod. "That'll do." And so he dives back into her chest. "Mmmmph..." All right. He's better now, convinced that there is nothing to feel guilty about. Convinced and incredibly fucking happy.

Still pumping her hips back and forth, the Commander wraps her arms around him and plants a smooch on the top of his head. "God, you're adorable," she whispers in a tone filled with endearment. No more talk after that. Their mouths busy themselves with kiss after kiss, while the two enjoy one another to the fullest.

Afterwards, they are intertwined on the fully reclined driver's seat. "What's it like, being dead?" asks Joker, lazily stroking Shepard's hip. He is dying to know, so to speak.

"Oh, I'm not sure if I was completely dead." The marine yawns and snuggles up a little closer. "But, if I think about it, it was like being in a dreamless sleep." Her face takes on a pensive expression. "Know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I guess I get it." Joker is kind of sorry he asked, seeing her frown like that. Thinking about it has to be rough. "Shep?" One step closer to a pet name. "Shouldn't we get going?"

Shepard snaps out of it. "Uhuh. We still need a few more tags." With that, she jumps up; Joker admires the orange play of light and shadow on the curves and hollows of her naked body. For art's sake, of course. She shakes her head, her mouth curled into a look of fake exasperation. "Stop staring at me, you pervert."

"Hey..." The pervert raises a single eyebrow. "I thought I was adorable?"

"True." Her laughing even louder, Shepard chucks his shorts in his face. "Get dressed, you adorable pervert, you."

*~t(-_-t)~*

They watch the monument in silence, each wrapped up in memories of their own. Shepard has done a fine job of assembling the thing, with Joker as her lovely assistant; they only have three parts left that they can't identify. What could possibly go wrong?

Shepard has her arm around her pilot's waist, her head resting on his shoulder. "Who's like us?" she murmurs under her breath.

Joker wraps his own arm around the woman's shoulders as he replies: "Damn few, and they're all dead."

After a last salute, they turn their backs on the scene and head to the shuttle. The Alliance will be pleased with the retrieval of the dog tags, Shepard looks less miserable. And Joker himself? Well... He feels like a new man, after everything his Commander has told him. That leaves only one tiny issue: he still hasn't told her that he loves her too, even though he really, absolutely, _totally_ does.

So what if he doesn't have the guts to say it out loud? She knows it. And maybe, someday, he will grow a pair and shower the woman with a bajillion expressions of his warm feelings for her. But not today. Today is the day they both move on and leave the wreckage of the old Normandy behind.

For good.


End file.
